A Proud Fine Day for America

I was amused to find this article on the front page of the New York Times online:

"For the First Time, Spacecraft Impacts With a Comet...."

"The purpose of the $333 million mission was to make the most detailed study of a comet to date, striking the mountain-sized hunk of ice and rock, and creating a crater from which would spew some of the primal material that makes up its core. Dr. A'Hearn told an early morning news conference that the blast was so bright that initial images did not reveal the size and depth of the impact crater. This hopefully will be revealed in later images recorded by the flyby spacecraft when they are received and processed on Earth, he said."Obviously, it was a very big impact," he said. "Presumably, we have a large crater in one of those images that hasn't played back yet."A quick look at data streaming down to Earth indicates the best is yet to come, said Dr. A'Hearn. "There are many more spectacular images yet to be revealed," he said. It is particularly gratifying, he added, to have such success on July 4th, the nation's birthday. "I actually hope it's made America proud," he said."

Yes, Dr. Hearn, I AM proud that America was so great as to blow the holy living hell out of a 300 million dollar spacecraft, colliding it into the side of a big ass comet, on our fine nation's birthday. What a fine pursuit, what a compelling accomplishment. We now may know just how big-ass of a hole our little space scout was capable of creating in said comet. "Obviously, it was a very big impact..." Thanks Einstein. Are these the type of assessments they pay you for? "The best is yet to come....there are more SPECTACULAR images yet to be revealed..." Oh yes! I'm peeing on myself with excitement! I think the most astounding part of this front page article is how the last question the reader will be inclined to ask himself is, "Yes, you boys really gave that comet a showing for it's money, but what was achieved here?" The most obvious, important question is slyly evaded with a typically rhetorical line: "The purpose of the $333 million mission was to make the most detailed study of a comet to date, striking the mountain-sized hunk of ice and rock, and creating a crater from which would spew some of the primal material that makes up its core." Sweeping over it, I just feel dandy. You know, this is the kinda news that gets me through my morning bowel movement without a hitch, because dammit, whatever's wrong with the world, I know our boys at NASA are still are investing in America's future; "As explorers, pioneers, and innovators, [NASA continues to] boldly expand frontiers in air and space to inspire and serve America and to benefit the quality of life on Earth." But then you pause, and are struck with the sad truth of the matter. These types of fruitless experiments at the end of the day are childsplay, the manifestations of little Texas Johnnie's boyhood inclination towards pyromania and high-speed projectiles, perversly cultivated and mutated by notions of Buck Rogers Grandeur and celebration of the nationalistic spirit. They rammed, at 23,000 miles per hour, a little thing into a big thing far away and took pictures of a big fantastic explosion. I can understand the Nasa people's satisfaction; sometimes I enjoy delicately arcing a rotton item of fruitly nature out the window of a car, 80 mph, where it elegantly, violently, meets the unmoving sheet-metal facade of a highway sign and ceases to exist in the solid form, letting out an exquisite SMACK. Ahhh, the sound of sweet successful trajectory. Only the difference is my fun comes at the expense of a $0.30 rotten bannana, not a $300,000,000.00 spacecraft. But by god, bless those United States of America all the same.