MELAMED GOING DOWN HILL (FAST)

You know, my freinds, I really starting to have my worries about our dear Oberliner Scott. Even the most dull-whitted reader can easily discover the extremely disturbing and appalling allegory to which Scott's recent post alludes to. Titled 'Potent' (appropriately so), it clearly glorifies Scott's new involvement in drug-related activities. Sneakily, he has used code language in a weak attempt to hide the true meaning of this post. If the reader will be so kind as to insert 'marijuana' where now sits the word 'sushi' (sushi, Scott? I mean come on, was that the best you could do?), and 'hashish' where now sits the word 'chocolate', he will see the truth behind this sickening celebratory account of one night's activities with Mr. Cannabis and freinds. I leave the original below unaltered, save for the italicizing of said code words. Comments have been added between brackets [ ] :

Potent

Yesterday Jesse, Mike, Jay and I rolled our own sushi at Asia House. It was great, except there was NO instruction whatsoever, so I rolled mine like a taco. Good thing they had back up sushi for us to enjoy that were already rolled.

Sushi is great. If only it was called squishy instead of sushi, 'cause then I'd laugh when eating it... [Quite frankly Scott, your probably doing quite a bit of that as it is.]

On a different note, to drink with the sushi, they had Hot Chocolate. [This code word is even weaker than the last] I poured myself a cup, sat down and took a sip. Holy god. This was hands down the richest, most cavity-inducing [this wasn't the only thing it induced] hot chocolate ever created by the likes of men. Seriously, it felt like I was drinking a chocolate bar. [Hey, I know how this stuff looks, OK? On the news the police confiscate crates upon crates of the brown little bars everyday from Morocco, so don't get smart.] So I asked what was in it and they said chocolate bars and cream. OH MY GOD. THAT IS NOT HOT CHOCOLATE. [You can say that again] Jesse stuck his fork in and it caked the fork like it was frosting.

And anyway, since when has anyone ever had the urge to drink HOT CHOCOLATE while eating raw fish and seaweed and rice, or any of those things alone? [They usually don't recommend mixing the two, do they, Scott.]

Whatever, the whole experience was great. [I'm sure it was] Now I know how to make potent chocolate.

If this troubling account has worried you, please, act now by sending Scott a message of support, and save our dear freind before he gets into the 'Pixie Sticks', 'Advil Gel Tablets', or 'Black Molasses'. That's right, Scott - I'm on the lookout now.