TIME TO EVOLVE

I'm wicked tired of not being sufficiently accessorized. I feel limited, slighted, and unfairly equipped to face the demanding electronic world of ours. My cellphone has a camera which records sound, video, and stills, built-in internet searching and email capabilities, a GPS system (for emergencies, obviously), text messaging, a playstation, a freaking song catalog and stereo system so that everyone and his brother hears my mental music tastes everytime I get a call, AND most importantly an assortment of little colored covers so that my cell phone reflects my personality, because thats important. I'M MISSING SOMETHING HERE FOLKS! Say hello to the new, 'how did I live without that before' feature for your 'mobile device'. It will be called The Olfactory Sense Tracking and Recording Inter-Listing System, or 'NOSTRIL'.

I can already hear you saying that this is a useless bunch of garbage, but more features for your own personal connection to the world is never garbage. I thought of this brilliant idea one especially inspirational morning on the bus going into school. There was a smell that I immedaitely recognized from my childhood days. This smell was from the glory days of Sam Starr Jr., during the reign of his iron fist empire over little unsuspecting Jackie 'Poodie' Starr. These were the days when I took such twisted pleasure in convincing my little sis that her favorite cat (our dear Bellie, R.I.P.) was in fact severely mentally challenged, and enjoyed other perversions such as temporarily deforming the rubber head of 'Sally' into grossly disfigured shapes, at which point Jackie would begin to cry, because no mother likes to see their child's head squashed between the hands of a masked assasin triumphantly commanding the lawns of 3216 with 'Batman'-edition Converse All-Stars. Let us return to the smell. It was the exact smell of the carpet in the movie room of the day care that at one time occupied one of the spaces of Ridgehaven Shopping center, not too far from where you can now enjoy the authentic tastes of Chinese Cuisine at The Wanderer's Buffet. I know you don't believe in the powerful memory of my nose, but I promise that this is true. This was the daycare with the opening lobby dominated by the half-pyramid of carpeted steps leading to the summit which occupied the northwest corner of the room. To descend the little mountain, there was a plastic slide down the center of the steps. This was the pathetic attempt of the care service to distract the brats who attended from the fact that their parents really didn't want them anymore. To enhance the effect, behind the entry room was the movie room which had similar carpet-steps to the far wall for quality viewing of the giant projection screen at the opposite end. Jackie and I quickly discovered, however, (being the sick and deranged bro and sis pair that we are) that the most intriguing room was down the forbidden hall from the movie room, where all the toddlers had their pit stops. Jac and I had a good laugh about all the POOOOP that we saw before running back down the hall in time to evade the daycare staff. We were lucky to catch the last 20 minutes of 'The Land Before Time' on the big screen, just before 'ol Lucy picked us up. (Do you know that there is a Land Before Time 8 now? Come on people, enough with the dinasaurs). I dont really even remember what the carpet smell of those steps was like, I suppose I would have to smell it again to describe it. The important thing to take from this little story of ours, is that smells like that can make your day. I had such a fun bus ride thinking back to that wonderful day with my lovely sister. This is the justification for the NOSTRIL system; imagine being able to go places and record scents. I think the olfactory sense is too often overlooked. I get a far more realistic memory of my sailing trip to the British Islands when I smell my 7-year old empty sun lotion bottle than when I look at some cheesy photograph. So when NOSTRIL becomes available, make sure you're not one of those left behind.


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own or use a cell phone. Cell phones give you cancer, and are evil wastes of money. This was soley for the purpose of this story.